My most wonderful and generous opinion
by DevillishlyHandsome
Summary: I, Alejandro Burrmouerto, prodigy and extremely handsome Spanish lover, am presenting to you my personal opinion on each and every contestant on total drama, dedicating a chapter to each of the pawns- I mean, contestants- that I competed with. And I will take reviewer requests for who I evaluate next.
1. Chapter 1

**I feel I am supposed to express some disclaimer stating I do not own Total Drama. So, there you have it. I do not own the wretched reality show.**

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Foreword:

Many of my lovely fans have expressed interest towards my personal opinion of the _idiotas_- I mean, _amigos_ who competed on vile total drama alongside with me. And, since this is an ideal site for writing and expressing opinions, I have decided to present you all with a treat: my personal opinion on each and every contestant from total drama! I will take requests from _mi reviewers preciosos _on which one of the _cerdos repugnantes_- I mean, contesants I will discuss each chapter. Be warned; I may dislike your favorite contestant, but then, it serves you right if you like butter donkeys or _incompetentes_...

-Sincerely, THE Alejandro Burromuerto.


	2. Justin

So far, although I will probably have received more votes by the time I have published this chapter, I have received the most requests for... _Justin_? I would love to attend to the beautiful Heather first, but since he recievd the most votes, I will evaluate Justin first.

Even though I have never competed alongside with him, I never considered Justin a strong player. Viewing his earlier work in the series, I noted that he attempted to be an antagonist. I also noted that he failed spectacularly at it, because he was not subtle or intelligent enough to be evil.

I dislike the comparisons people make about myself and Justin. Justin is a feminine voiced _idiota_ with eyes like beads, hair styled in a feeble attempt to appear masculine and a large, American square jaw. He has a juvenile demeanor about him, and no intelligence. I am unashamed of saying I am proud of my looks, but he is ridiculously obsessed with his appearance, to the point of believing anyone other than himself is deformed, and growing distraught when he had a black eye. In my opinion, a black eye is quite a trivial matter, and to throw a tantrum over it is just childish.

His strategy, if you can call it that, was flawed from the very beginning; in the first season, he was a forgettable competigor, _unlike_ myself. He was eliminated by the wonderful, sexy Heather (who, might I add, looked _muy hermosa_ during her ballet recital that episode) and his only talent was pouring water on himself. He was so foolish he believed he could fool the judges by painting crude cartoon eyes on his eyelids during one challenge; if there had been any one other than the unintelligent Chris watching, then they would have caught out his pathetic attempt at cheating instantly. He was so unpopular he received hardly any screen time, whereas I was shown for a majority of the time in my series.

In the second season, which I must admit Heather dislikes me watching due to the condition of her hair (I personally think that she even looks beautiful bald; while I love _mi_ _amor's_ hair, she was one of the few girls who could still look stunning without hair) the few eliminations he caused were of little consequence; he did not strategize, but rather tried to send home the easy prey. He also turned away people who could have been valuable allies, though I am most pleased to see that Heather did not fall for any of his ridiculously transparent attempts to fool the imbecilic cast. When I was an antagonist, the moves I made- such as pursuading Tyler to reveal Duncan and Gwen's kiss- caused mass dispute amongst the cast and led to more elimination. How on earth did removing people such as Izzy and Trent do any harm to the rest or the cast? Oh yes; it did NOT. He was a poor antagonist, and the _tonto_ was voted off rather early in the series.

He has recently gotten an account on fanfiction, and has been irritating both myself and _mi chica_, saying strange things to Heather, such as apparently accusing me of borrowing his hairbrush. This is untrue, as I would never let my hair touch something so contaminated with cheap hair gel.

After asking several all too eager female competitors for their own opinions, many of them divulged that they did not really like Justin, but the _idiota's_ model agency actually paid them to pretend to like him, for the purpose of furthering his ill-gotten fame. CoUrtney also informed me that he sleeps with one of those princess Courtney dolls that were very briefly on the market. Izzy also dated him for a brief amount of time, and though the _chica loco_ is often hard to understand she informed me that he has a childish phobia of feces, so much that he cries each time he must use the lavatory (if this is the case and Izzy was not lying, then why does he hang around that butter donkey Owen, who has a crude and disgusting fascination with such fould body excrements.)

In short, my opinion of Justin is that he is unattractive and unintelligent, though he is so blinded by both factors that he does not see it. I would usually be more polite, but since he has been infuriating myself and Heather, I am currently irritated with him.

I apologise to Justin fans, but to be honest, this _is_ my opinion. Do not expect me to be kind. And who would you prefer, my lovely fans; the sexy, intelligent prodigy currently writing this, of that immature infant?

My next chapter will be devoted to Heather, since she received the second largest amount of votes. However, feel free to comment on which contestant you would like me to review in my next chapter.

Until then, _adiós_!


End file.
